November 10, 2017. I am landing in Prague, after one week of vacation at the end of which I was somehow looking forward to be back to the love of my heart, the city of Prague. However, the welcome more than warm, indeed a very cold one. After first initial happy thoughts of being home those disappeared very quickly, they literally froze under the cold shadow of the nasty autumn Friday morning. Where was that feeling gone, which warmed my heart and soul every time in past while returning to this city I have been living in for the last ten years of my life? Terrifying… but somehow… it was gone.
What other feelings were overruling the inside of myself? The same scary, actually. Somewhat, somehow… I suddenly felt very different to a stranger on the road returning to the palace of his peace. Emptiness, inanity and sadness were following me the entire day. Arriving just some minutes later at the office, the after-vacation happiness was gone within minutes and the old boring and exhausting routine of recent months was back again. Survived the day in jumping from one obstacle to another, solving challenge after challenge, complain after complain and issue after issue, I didn’t feel the satisfaction of helping, more an anger of being kept busy on the first day after being away for one week.
Returning home later that afternoon, which by now switched to an incredible cold evening, as cold as you can feel it when you are dressed only in your vacation spring clothes, I almost screamed in the tram depressively: I FUCKIN‘ WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE, I want to get out of this! Out of this all. If I only could, right now, I would! It’s November 10, 2017… Only… Long time to go, long time to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
Was today the end of one journey? Was it more a beginning of another one? Was it a clear signal or just the typical post-vacation frustration of being back to the routine? The future will soon provide answers; the future tiled so much with our decisions and acts that no other future can be established better.
Somehow, looking forward to sleep at my bed… Tomorrow, I will be again one step closer. At least.